Hoe-Skapades 2022 Episode 3- Get That Bread

Dear B.L.U.N.T Radio,

First of all, I don’t think I should be on the naughty list. Second of all, I want a grillion dollars for Christmas. All of all, his name was Jay so I don’t think he deserved my respect in the first place. Cuffing season was in full effect but my goal wasn’t to get a temporary boo thang. It wasn’t even to get dick. The goal was to collect niggahs like Pokemon. Catch them all! Jay was one of many Jays but there was something about him that made me trust him. We met on Tinder. We texted and talked on the phone then one day he said he wanted to come over. I guess I should mention that I live on Long Island and he lives in the Bronx so it was going to take him 2 hours just to get to me but that was his choice. Now I’m a transparent bitch doing transparent shit. I know how these y-chromosomers work. So I told him that if he came over, we were NOT having sex. I could hear his smirk through the phone as he said “Alright bet.” What I really wanted to say is “I live in a white neighborhood. Don’t fuck around and become a Twitter hashtag playin wit me.” But instead I was like “See you tomorrow niggah.”

So boom, tomorrow is here and it takes this man like 3 hours to get to me. I see him for the first time and I ain’t even gone hold you, he fine af. He had this chocolate brown skin that was clearer than a Sunday morning. I just know this man was using shea butter straight from Africa. His afro was tall af like damn, is this a hotep niggah? If so, then I hate white people too! Them lips were plump, and he smelled good. Really good. Like hole own, this is a Pussy Set-up! We go upstairs to my place. None of my roommates are home. It’s just me and this big dick niggah. (Don’t ask how I knew it was big. I just knew.) He starts talking out his ass, braggin about his stamina. Whatever. (lemme see 👀) Next thing I know, this man is kissing me. And guess what? I kissed him right backkkk. I’m still not giving this man a crumb of coochie but, ain’t nothing wrong with a little kissing, right? Wrong! This man done found the coochie! He start fingering me and I came quite quickly. Like is this niggah the Pussy Puppeteer or something? Whore! Anyway, this man got his tongue down my THROAT.

Bitch I can’t even breatheeee. I was fine with it though. Oxygen is overrated anywayssss. So as I’m recovering from those strong-ass-Ray-Charles-ass fingers he done used on my coochie, he lifts my entire dress up, takes off the panties and dives in. This man is slurping, kissing, doing that fast tongue flick on the clit, alladat. He was down there for so long, I was like “Damn, can you save some pussy for the others?” It had a bitch thinking about commitment. Then I remembered I got a fat ass and came to my senses. Needless to say, the head was GOODT. I eventually used my legs to put him in a headlock because this coochie couldn’t handle it anymore. One more orgasm and I would’ve married that man. Once he realized how strong my legs were, he started kissing my body, making his way to my face. This man was kissing me like this wasn’t the first time we met. Like hole own, is this a one night stand or a honeymoon? I’m enjoying it thoughhhhh. Then he whipped the condom out of his pocket. WAYMENT! I stopped him and told him that I’m not having sex with him. He looked mad af. Goofy ass niggah, I told you we weren’t having sex! We talked for a bit more then he was ready to go. I decided to walk him to the train station. I felt like this was a really nice thing to do because it was cold af outside. It was a quiet walk. He gave me a tight hug but not the “I’m gonna miss you tight hug”. It was a “I wanna kill this bitch” type of hug. Regardless of the hug or this man, am I wrong? I told him he wasn’t getting a sliver of vagina from me yet he came to my apartment with condoms in his pockets? We had only talked for a couple of weeks. We never went on a date or nothing. I feel like I don’t owe him any pussy or anything. I also feel like he planned to disrespect my boundaries. If I tell you I’m not having sex, why would you come with intentions to smash? So I think we both got what we deserved. I got the head I deserved and he got the lesson he deserved. If the coochie is closed, don’t use your tongue to try to unlock it. I do miss them lips though.