The Monsters We Date

Time and time again we as men who date men have experienced a supernatural phenomenon. We all have dated monsters. You give someone a chance, things progress, things decline, and now you are stuck here looking stupid. At least, that has been my experience. Let me explain……………

The Ghost

The first monster I have come all too familiar with is the ghost. These men are the men that are straight up transparent and not in a good way. By transparent I mean you see right through their bull shit. This is the man that when you first met him was like “I don't know why all my exes hate me.”. You dig deeper and find out why. He is a gaslighter and an agitator. As a ghost haunts, they do it in the absence of them being seen. So you think you are crazy for thinking that something that shouldn't exist is the problem….but they are. Yes, girl. You are not crazy. He is playing mind games and he really did just do that. Stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. This supernatural being is real and HE IS THE PROBLEM. Then like Danny Phantom, POOF! He is gone. He refuses to answer your calls, the communication stops, and now you are thoroughly in the bunch of the ghost's exes that hate him. The most fucked up thing about it all is ghosts linger even after they have disappeared because they were so good at attaching themselves to the object of your affections. 

The Vampire

The next monster we all know is the vampire. Why is he a vampire? Well, that's because he is a drainer. Let me explain. He is always doubting himself and putting himself down. The shit is draining. He is draining. You think maybe he is just in need of someone who isn't insecure around to help him realize his worth. You assume that role and it doesn't help. You constantly reassure him all the time and it just sucks the life out of you. Soon you realize his problems are deep rooted in internalized hate and the constant tear down he gets within the community itself. Queer men are brutal, even more so to the men who don't fit the classic molds other queer men have constructed and worshipped. He is beyond your help so you break up with him. Confidence has to come within and can't be forced in through the outside. You drive a metaphorical steak through you two and sever the bond.

The Sea Serpent

The next is the sea serpent. Why a sea serpent? Well, no one has ever seen one and they hide underneath the ocean out of sight. This is the closeted man. In other words, The Trade. He has traded in his freedom to be himself for the privilege of being perceived as straight. He would rather meet you under the sea in his hidden away cavern than meet you at the surface where all the people can see. Why else is he known as a sea serpent? Because what's between his legs! Speaks for itself and you know that is the only reason you are dealing with his clandestine ass. This is the man that wants to be your boyfriend but doesn't want anyone to know. He wants you to pretend to be his homie in front of people but behind closed doors wants you to beat his back in. No sir! I can't hold my breath underwater that long. No way am I suffocating my self love and acceptance for your false sense of privilege.

The Shadow

Up next on this list is one I believe even the women can relate to, the shadow. This is the man who tries to act all mysterious with his emotions and hide his true shape, but he is fooling no one. You fell for him and the feelings aren't returned. Instead of admitting that, they make up something. Examples include "Oh, I just got out of a relationship and I'm enjoying my freedom." and/or "I'm rediscovering what I want and getting comfortable with myself" . Nigga, just say you aren't feeling me, you used me, and let me move the fuck on. Stop trying to be mysterious and be honest for once. If anything you said was true, you wouldn't have started dealing with me to begin with. Even after you cut the shadow off they still watch your stories on your social media. You could easily just block them, but they aren't worth the extra effort.

The Shape Shifter

Oh and let us not forget the shape shifter. This is the man who is damn near perfect. He checks all the boxes. He has a nice job, his life seems together, and his maturity is off the charts. You can't seem to find anything wrong. That's exactly what's wrong. Your intuition is screaming this too good to be true, but you brush it off for you just tripping. You are not tripping and this is too good to be true. Because in a matter of two to three month he shifts into a completely different person. The communication isn't the same. The maturity isn't the same. He isn't the same. Now you are stuck wondering how in the hell did he pull a Houdini on you. What ass backwards magic is this? Yo' is this the same person? He disappears for weeks and tries to text you a "Hope is all well" message as if you are going to ignore the fact he has switched up. You take a page out of his book and shift too….your focus to other things rather than him. You start by using that ignore button on that call he is trying to give you.

The Demon

After you face all those monsters, you meet the big boss of them all. The demon. This is the person who is good at all the things that aren't good for you. They are manipulative, deceitful, and extremely toxic. They are so good at being bad to you that it becomes apparent this isn't conducive to you. Despite all of that you are still in love with this evil mutherfucker. It's like you are possessed. They understand you in ways others don't. They treat you like others don't. They read you like others don't. You think it because of love but it aint that sis. It's their game. They learn you to play you. It's all done methodically to aid in that manipulation. To aid in the possession of you. This one is hard to shake. Even after you get hip to what has happened it takes a priest called time itself to exorcise the remnants of that demon from the depths of the vessel known as your heart. You learn that true love doesn't come with conditions. You learn what not to seek out. 

Ghosts are not worth seeking. This is not ghost hunters and you are not a witch. No seances here! Burn some sage, cleanse your spirit and move forward. You deserve mutual respect. 

Vampires are not worth your vitality. They can drain someone else and you don't have to be the willing sacrifice. Get your garlic and your crosses and build your shield. You deserve to have someone who sees their value as you see value in them. 

Sea Serpents are not worth your self acceptance. We are not a whale. We hold our breath for no one. Sea serpents have no room for those of us who choose to live, breath, and be seen on land. Even Ariel left the sea behind. You deserve to be seen and acknowledged.  

Shadows are not worth your emotional stability. Peter pan we are not. We have no room for mysterious shadows who refuse to acknowledge their true shape. Girl, turn the lights on and banish that shadow to the depths of where it came. You deserve honesty. 

Shape Shifters are not worth trying to figure out. They can shift on someone else's time and dime. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who is up front with their intentions and who they are. You deserve consistency. 

Demons are not worth your sanity and/or mental health. In conclusion, demons have no place in your mind, body, or heart. Exorcisms may hurt but they cleanse your soul. You deserve real love and happiness. 

I have encountered all of these monsters and lived to love another day. As an individual, I take full accountability for dealing with each one. I accept the fact that these situations happened because I refused to believe who these monsters showed me they were. This doesn't mean they are not responsible for their actions. They were in fact guilty of many things and meant every bit of harm done. I learned from my mistakes and now I share my stories with you. By me sharing my stories I hope to prevent you from giving these monsters any grounds to disrupt your story.