Hoe-Skapades 2021: Sex Toyz, Masturbation, and Scandalz

Dear B.L.U.N.T Radio,

Christmas dinner is about to be a little messy this year. I did a thing 👀…. For the past 3 years as you know I have been living with my cousin Kayla. She’s a nail tech 💅🏾 and a night owl 🦉 so we are pretty much on opposite schedules. It makes for the ideal living situation. two ships 🚢 passing in the night and all that cute shit. On the rare occasion we did see each other we tried our best to keep each other updated on the craziness that is life. So when Kayla told me that her boyfriend’s apartment complex got shot up and he needed a place to stay for a bit I was annoyed but agreed because a couple months back she let my sister stay over while she was in between apartments.

I didn’t really interact with Hakim much before he moved in and I didn’t expect to either. But it turned out that we were both morning people. He would pass me in the hall glistening from his morning workout smelling like sweat and bad decisions. SANTA I know I’m not supposed to look but BABY if Scrumdiddlyumptious was a real word he would be the picture right next to it in Merriam-Webster’s Good Book . Lord he’s scrumptious and in the right light he could be mistaken for Kofi Siriboe but it’s not just that. Hakim is also an amazing roommate. He takes out the trash, he’s considerate of the mess he makes, cleans up after himself, and he even cooks breakfast for us sometimes. The one major con is that we work the same hours which means we are home together most days. Like I said my cousin and I were on opposite schedules which meant I had the house to myself most evenings I probably didn’t see her until 3 AM  most nights. I thought that would change with the new addition but it didn’t seem to make a difference to her.

So two weeks ago when I got home earlier than expected I took advantage of the solitude. I decided I could probably could squeeze in a quick bubble bath🧖🏾‍♀️ before my new roomie decided to make an appearance. So after thoroughly cleaning the tub I set up the oil diffuser and twinkle lights in the bathroom to create a relaxing atmosphere. Once I was done I realized I still had some time left so why not fuck myself. So, I scrounge around in my toy box before settling for my wand. I was on my fourth orgasm  before I noticed I had a spectator. I forgot he had a key 😨. Santa I know this is where I should say that I was embarrassed and stopped immediately. But somewhere in my subconscious I knew I left my door cracked a little just to see what might happen. Boy I was not prepared. 

We didn’t say anything. He stood in silence for what seemed like forever and my wand was holding firm on my clit. When Hakim saw that devilish smile spread across my face he knew he had the green light. He pulled out his dick and I unlatched my mouth. He gently guided his dick into my throat. When I tell you it is thicccccckkkkk. Wow ☠️ I let him fuck my mouth until he came. Then I proceeded to use his face as my throne for the next hour. He left me semi-comatose in my bed. The sleep I got that night Santa was like no other. It was spontaneous and now his dick is all I can think about. So now Hakim is a critical part of my self care routine. My jaw is still a little sore. This nigga got my sucking dick in my clay mask and bonnet a different kind of uncomfortable 😅. I know I’m foul for this but I like to think of it as me being a gracious hostess. Giving pussy to those in need. A service the community (especially Apt A12) benefits from. So if you think of it like that you would agree that I deserve to be on the nice list. 

And that’s kind of what I was trying to convince Kayla when she walked in on us yesterday. I don’t think she understood where I was coming from. It became more obvious when we started playing dodgeball with Bath and Body Works 3-wicks. 😶 Santa I need your help coming up with a better approach before our annual Christmas dinner because honestly Kayla makes the best candied-yams and I was really looking forward to it this year.